Monthly Archives: May 2013

Personal: do not read

I look at this ring I own, I got it as a gift. It is really pretty and everything one wants in a ring. It is perfect. It is carved with a lot of effort and is insanely precious with a beautiful diamond sitting in the middle. It is everything everyone could want in a ring. I chose it. There were four options and I chose this one and to be frank, I am proud of my choice. I have worn it once but it feels rusty now. I don’t mean it has actual oxidation happening n it’s surface but it is rusty. Old. It feels worn out. My life is this ring.

I chose it. It is precious and everyone envy’s it. There are material things. Beautiful things. Like the iPad I type on. The phone I own, the ring I am wearing. There is everything in my life that I never wanted, and nothing that I really did. This ring reminds me of the fact that I am sorely incomplete. The ring doesn’t even fit my ring finger. I just can’t believe it that I skulked around people pretending I have this and that when I am the most empty person I know. I have nothing to fill my life with. No love. No friendships to last a lifetime. No companionship of any sort as I threw them all away believing something better would turn up. Sadly, it didn’t. I became immoral, unreal and materialistic. I love my things cos that’s all I have. I have nothing real. Nothing to last me a lifetime.

As I look at this ring, I bitterly cry to myself thinking of my age and lost times. All the things I have become. All the things I did not want to become. Where has my life come to? Why have I not taken decisions and let it float around? I don’t have answers so I will probably not ask these questions after a while.. But thinking about it only made me realize that I am empty. So empty that I fill myself with fear. I am scared of everything: new, old, present, future. Everything. I hope there is nobody in the world who feels as shitty as I do right now. Toodles.

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Wade: Sometimes I just think you’re just the saddest person in the world. You’re always looking over your shoulder wondering what life should be instead of taking it for what it is. You’re not honest about what makes you happy. You what I’m going to do tonight, I’m going to go home and play video games for two or three hours.
Zoe: Oh, good for you. Dream big.
Wade: What I’m not going to do is beat myself up for playing video games instead of saving the world. If I wanted to save the world, hell, I’ll do it tomorrow.
Zoe: If you have time between video games.
Wade: EXACTLY! Cause it’s my choice. Just like it was your choice to stay in Bluebell, just like it was your choice to be a G.P. instead of a super sonic space surgeon or whatever. And it was your choice to go to bed with me. Clearly and something about everyone of those choices make you happy. The problem is they don’t match up with the picture you made up in your head about what your life should be.

From Hart of Dixie, this quotation summarizes everything that is wrong with people. You should always always know what makes you happy and don’t care about anything else.

Immortality

Everyone wants to be immortal. Whatever anyone might say, you want to live forever. The problem is, that the average human lifespan is about 80 years or so in which case life is going to end eventually. Now think about the cloud. I mean the cyber cloud, not the one in the sky. Cloud where currently everything resides. There are millions of people who are putting all their data up on a drive in the cloud so as never to lose it. Cloud space then I keep wondering, is it infinite?

Internet space, databases up there in the cloud storing billions of people’s information. From their facebook profiles, linkedin, twitter accounts (and God knows what not) to their data from google drive, dropbox etc and not just that. There are blogposts and websites that people host all the time. The idea I have is whether we are actually immortal through all these profiles or will we be overwritten due to lack of space hundred years into the future? When in doubt, ask google. So that’s what I did. I found this:

http://www.itbusiness.ca/news/what-happens-to-cloud-data-when-you-die/19613

It talks about different services and how they handle inactive profiles and stuff. I was thinking on a different line though. For example, most profiles online are non-transferable which means you cannot ask someone else to use your twitter under a different name. So once you are dead. You are you know, DEAD. What if though, like making a generic computer software you could somehow create generic accounts. Assuming Facebook is still around in 200 years (doubt it) but based on that assumption how would you want you achieve cloud immortality.

One simple way is to pass on your id and password to your next generations and hope they would update it continuously. Somehow if you could have a group account (meaning, transferable accounts) you could easily transfer it to your kins and everyone could have an online genealogy (Brilliant idea, eh?). To point out the obvious, that this won’t work I have another solution of saving your cloud identity forever. This though in fact has to come from Facebook’s side (or other services) side. Suppose you are dead for 50 years (you have not logged into your profile for 50 years) or any set limit really Facebook can:

1. Turn your profile into a page. Pick out your timeline info and present it on the page. Delete everything else. Just keep the five most popular pictures in your account and the most important life events (example, wedding, birth of child etc). What if a database could construct that for you and then nobody ever has to be dead? It would be a global database of all information. Delete your random doings of the day. It will not matter when you have been dead for years. But if somehow you could be preserved than thrown away. Wouldn’t that be brilliant?

2. I really don’t have a clue. I will be immortal (going to search for a philosopher’s stone)

See you later alligators..

Importance

This is a really short post. What makes us think that we are or should be important to others?
1. They are important to us: This is one of the craziest and foolish thought processes human beings exhibit. Just because someone alis important to you does not imply in any way that you must be important to them. In the good cases, it would be true. Many a times though, it isnt. For example, you might have only one friend but that friend might have several friends other than you. No, it does not decrease your importance but it does affect the time spent giving you importance.
2. We were important to them. People change, deal with it. Just because two people were the world to each other does not mean that fact would remain the same. People, their feelings and your feelings all are subject to change.

Now dont take this to your heart, and start doubting everyone who loves you. Indeed people love you and care for you. And those people will show it to you in their actions. They will stand with you even when they are pissed at you. They would be sad at your losses and smile at your success. Hold on to those people, you are lucky to have them 🙂

Loved

“I’m standing on a bridge

I’m waiting in the dark

I thought that you’d be here by now”

So, like I always do, I realized something. One of these days, someone is going to tell me, “Shut up with you and your realizations. Nobody cares”. Until then, it is a free world (or at least most of it). [Okay, maybe none of it is free, but let’s go on with my realization for now.] Yes, people are loved. From the most popular guy/girl in class to the highly popular people in an office environment. Some people are always loved. I just wonder what makes the gap between them and me. I have never been popular, never been good at making friends and never been loved. Nobody bothers doing anything for my birthday or when I am bored or when I am anything. I am background noise. So from one background noise to the rest of the world. What makes you loved? 

I started thinking of this because I have an acquaintance for whose birthday people are bringing balloons, hookas, customized shirts, glowsticks, organizing surprise party and what not. He is a great guy. I admit he is. I don’t know him so well and don’t really care about knowing him. It is like I have always had the eyes on the prize. The people I want to be friends with, the people I want to know, the people who are screwed up and unique. This guy is smart, sexy, intelligent, great with people. To me, he is a little intimidating. Maybe that’s why I am not friends with him. He understands human mind and its workings without actually trying and that is the scary part. For most people I can fool, the ones who listen and see I cannot.

So what makes him loved? Didn’t I just list all his good qualities? I will like to add one cherry on the top of that. He is in a committed relationship. Yes, I think people in relationships are respected more. More people are comfortable around them. They are just liked a little better(1). People who like to party are liked a little better than people who don’t (2). People who do not study all the time are also liked a little better (3). People who are humble about their knowledge are also respected more (4). Humorous people, non-judgmental people, (sadly) gossiping people are all like better than their opposite undesirable behaviors (5). What else I started to think make people loved? Extroverts are more happier and loved than their introvert counterparts (6). Compassionate, kind and sensitive people also have a huge demand (7). Most importantly though, people who know how to make friends with the loved people (8). Like attracts like at the end of the day. So, keeping magnetism aside. Positive does not attract negative. So now, what is the most important lesson I have learnt by my less-than-relevant analysis. Be an extrovert, get along with people, leave your ego aside and find someone like yourself to date and then you will be loved.

AW shit, I am screwed for life, aren’t i?

“It is better to fail in originality than succeed in imitation”- Herman Melville

I do not quite agree with it though. Being able to creatively produce something original is remarkable but being able to even imitate someone’s work with exactness is nothing less of a skill.