Monthly Archives: June 2013

Things I have learnt growing up.

1. Love is conditional.

Let me explain this clearly. You CAN condition love. People do so much for others     approval. Sadly, a lot of times the others are actually the people who love them. You     marry based on your parents approval. You hang out with people based on your partner’s approval. EVERYTHING you do, is probably for somebody’s approval or disapproval [for the more rebellious of souls]. There is no such thing is unconditional love.

2. Nobody wants to hear the truth

Oh yes, you hear questions like: Do I look fat? Am I stuck in a stupid job? Is my life going anywhere? Should I break up with him? Do not even slightly think of giving your opinion (your honest opinion). Just give them what they want to hear (if you want your relationships to exist even in the least. Even when they say they want to hear the truth, trust me. Nobody likes the truth. It is better left as fiction.

3. Reciprocation is the basis of everything

You do something for me, I do something for you. And both of us are happy. There is no place for unrequited affection, gifts, words, emails or anything. If somebody is not reciprocating, you are basically spam in your life. Harsh truth. Deal with it.

4. People have a habit of disappointing: DO NOT have any expectations

You think there would be one person who wouldn’t disappoint you. Oops sorry, that wouldn’t happen. If there is someone who hasn’t disappointed you yet, it will happen at some point unless you have no expectations of anybody. Kudos then.

5. Life is not fair

Heard these statements:
“She’s a bitch, I don’t even know why all guys are after her”
“He isn’t even good at his job, why is he always promoted?”
“She doesn’t even make so much, how does she buy all the expensive clothes?”

Don’t question things like this. No point really. Life is just not fair. Why somebody worse than you has better things than you is not a right statement to make. EvER. Feeling worse because someone else is better than you or happier than you is also kind of shameful. So, don’t. Don’t divulge in people’s happiness and misery. Basically block yourself off facebook.

I can write more but really what is the point of this morose talk. Learn your own lessons. Make your own mistakes. Just do yourself a favour, do not depend on people. I learnt it the hard way.

The wedding

As soon as my eyes fell upon the bride gliding down the aisle, I knew it didn’t matter anymore. Her eyes were filled with such hope, such dreams and an emotion more powerful than anything I had ever claimed to feel for her. I wondered what it would have been like if it were me she was walking towards. If it were me she was hoping to spend the rest of her life with. The thought left me as soon as it had come.  It was all irrelevant now.

I braced myself to conceal any ill thoughts that would cross my mind during this ceremony. I knew I could not display any hurt or longing that my insides were screaming with. This would be the moment of my greatest courage. My mind filled up with pictures of heroes going to battle, the great moments of courage strewn across science fiction. I knew I would have to muster all the bravery I could, to get through the next part.

She had halted before the man of her dreams. She was radiating a glow that was lighting everyone around her. As the words, “If anyone here has any objections to this couple getting married, let them speak now or forever hold your peace” were uttered I felt a gut wrenching pain inside where I wanted to shout and stop the wedding. I said nothing and neither did anyone else. After the vows, the “I do”, the exchange of rings and the kiss I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

As I was leaving, a bridesmaid smiled at me and said, “Beautiful ceremony eh?” I looked into her eyes filled with tears suitable for such occasions. I simply nodded and left as fast as my legs could carry me.

What do you do for a living?

“What do you do for a living?”

The question was simple, but it seemed to have brought about a fury of emotions inside me and I couldn’t quite define them into words to answer his question. He was looking at me in confusion as though I was about to burst into tears. Looking at his face I realized that some of the inner turmoil was probably reflected on my face and I replied in a quiet voice:

“I work in a large corporation.”

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, they seemed insufficient to the question that had been asked. I quickly added:

“My job is in customer support. Whenever anyone needs anything, they dial for me. Like an in-house call center if that makes sense to you.”

He was not sure how to react. I could see the battle in his mind: “Should I say, that sounds interesting?” or “Should I further question as to the decision for taking up this position?” I was vaguely surprised when he looked enquiringly at me and murmured:

“And you like it?”

It seemed like I would drown under the weight of this question. “Of course I didn’t like it. It was supposed to be a temporary job. Even I didn’t know how I had spent almost five years doing it. It didn’t even pay enough to make me want to stay?” I was again lost in my thoughts. He might have guessed what was going through my mind because he suggested:

“You want a smoke?”

I nodded thinking, it couldn’t hurt.

Good friends

People say good friends don’t need daily conversations, or that you can always pick up where you left off. I think good friends always keep daily conversations, they are interested in knowing about your day to day life. I don’t think you can pretend like you are still best of friends when you haven’t spoken for months. I think, people who do that are really fooling themselves. I think true friends find ways to keep in touch. They send each other letters and emails and wall posts. Good friends feel that their lives are incomplete without each other.

Before it ends..

You think about if situations all day
Nobody gets a say in them
When you think of all that’s gone
Did anyone expect to end this way?

I keep telling myself I will fix it all
Apologize and amend broken hearts
I pluck up courage once in a while
To say things that I have realized

When the minute run is done
When the clocks have stopped
When you find yourself stuck
Did you expect it all gone?

Your whole life flashes before your eyes
It was too short you just realize
And tears swell from your deepest desire
You wish for end in a moment’s fire.