There is something I realized about myself today, something I did not know. I do not go back to incomplete projects of mine. If there is an incomplete painting I would probably not complete it, a draft of writing it would remain a draft forever, even an unwritten thought would never be presented to the world because I dare not complete things that get left in the midway.
Another weird thing about life is that I believe in destiny so if something does not get completed I blame it on fate. I always find an easy way out of my laziness and try not to think why I left something in the middle. I lack patience and determination. I like to do projects that I could complete in a day because I do not have the determination to go with it for more than a single day. Sadly, I have reached a point in my life where it is most essential that I work on things for more than a day.
Oh and the sadly is for my laziness and my short attention span, it’s actually a good thing for my overall development. One example of my incomplete, or lack of interest projects would be this blog. I have tried having a blog before. I would not divulge the name of it mainly because it contains no posts and also because my secret identity should remain a secret (Yes, I am a Samurai warrior, ready to attack anybody who crosses my path). I just feel that my enthusiasm to keep this blog has been lost as well, and not because I don’t enjoy saying things to the world but mainly because at some point I got scared away from my own writing.
The thing is, I know people who write better and I am under a complex that I am not good enough. So why do something I cannot do well? Hence, I want to quit. I might as well, who knows. For now, I just feel that I have left many loose ends in life and I don’t really want to give up on writing for now, so I will come back every few days and write about my experience or some thing I did. I do many things, though I am trained for almost nothing. Actually I am trained for nothing.
I just feel that slowly my thoughts need to be completed. I know it sounds kind of silly, but you grow out of being a high school teenager and become this adult who does need answers and I feel I am that person. I need to complete things I begin. Whether it’s an embroidery, painting or essay, they all need to get an ending. So, I think I will make sure from now on that I end what I begin. I don’t want even the non-living to think of me as an escapist (which I completely am, but more on that later). I want to be proud of doing whatever it is I want to do. I don’t know that yet. I am still discovering myself, rather wasting my life.
I think I would be good at reaching conclusions and also at endings. So, I would like to raise a glass to new beginnings and long awaited endings. Oh, by the way, I do not have a glass to raise right now but still, metaphorically to endings and to beginnings. I just feel that this one sounds like the post of beginnings now. I should just add about incomplete thoughts. Incomplete thoughts do not always mean that you don’t know where they are going, sometimes it just means you don’t know where they came from. Another interesting point about incomplete,
“Not all that is incomplete is worthless, not all that is complete priceless”