Monthly Archives: February 2012

The one that got away

Once you go through high school or college you realize that there is something or somebody that got away. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a person, it might just be something that you really wanted that never worked out. There’s always a path you did not take, the path that you could have taken. The path that could have given you everything you wanted. That one path that would have made all ends meet. We all regret that we didn’t get that one chance to stop that fleeting moment which could have altered our lives. 

Recently I got to thinking if that one moment was from some other world and if it was really worth anything. I don’t live with regrets because I don’t like to have them. I don’t have any to be really honest. I have lived a life that might be a bit complicated and might be totally screwed up but I don’t like to regret so I have tried and lived a life in which I wouldn’t have to regret. I have spent the past four years though, regretting one decision. I thought I could grow over it, but I doubt I can. I think I can’t get over it ever. 

I left. I left somebody and a place I loved more than anything in the world. Nothing good came out of it. Some people might look at it differently, and I will tell them to shut up because I know that the past four years that I have wondered and I guess I would spend more time wondering because the universe hates me and one can never go back. 

The one thing I just realized though was, I don’t ever want to regret. I don’t ever want to put everything on the line for what I want. If I can get what I want then I would rather have it than let it go. 

 

I am a writer_in disguise of course

Have u seen the incognito window on google chrome? okay, if u have made some secret searches in your life, you have probably. so there is a cool spy dude there, right on the left hand side corner. I feel like that dude. I am a writer but of course in disguise, and my disguise is my irrelevance, my utter lack of knowledge/experience and what more, my non committal attitude towards the things i love. Yes, i love to write. and yes, i wanted to be a writer.

You might ask, what happened to that? oh nothing happened to that, I just became you know, ME. I started not enjoying everything, and hated my own writing (okay, that’s a lie, i never hate my writing, i obviously love it, it is a reflection of me of course) but yes, i hated everything and I have not believed for a very long time that I can’t write.

You want to know why? because we write what we know. and I know nothing.

So, i am a writer, I want to be one. sincerely. but i know nothing. so i cant write. and hence i will go read. it is a goodbye for now. will be back hopefully soon.

in the meantime, adele won 6 grammys for 21. she is 23 and she has won 8 grammys till date. makes u wonder how your life sucks doesn’t it?

keep in touch, if u want. or what the hell, dont bother reading. i am not going to be a writer anyways.

New Year – New Rejections

SO hello WORLD?

okay, so no one reads this blog, and why would anyone? i will have to tell my friends that this blog exists for them to read it, and other than the fact that i am hiding this from everyone everywhere, other than the whole of internet, i think this blog is just my way of saying F**K you world, i am gonna exist if i want to. hehe.

So, yes it is a new year, actually it has been more than a month of the new year.. really can you believe it that 2012 is really here? but then, who really cares about its existence anyways.. years, who is counting them? other than people dying. which brings me up to say something very important.

IF any of you people in the world, ever read this, do watch the movie called bucket list, it is pretty awesome. not just cos its about people dying and letting themselves finally have reasons for living but rather because u realize that life is sort of precious. yes, yes i am not an optimist. but still, life is essential. it is after all, driving us all. 🙂

so ya, what i was talking about was rejections. Yes, we have all had it. I hope so, if anyone here has not had it, then believe me you have not lived well, or u have lived too well. can you let me know how to NOT be rejected?

my first rejection was from my secondary school teachers and fellow classmates who didn’t accept me, and believe me, it hurt but i lived. I recently got rejected from let’s call it a job, or internship, it was something like that anyways, but i really wanted it. and i realized something that it didn’t hurt. I am so used to it.

No one likes me. no, i am not a bitch. i just don’t have much likability.  but then, it hurts. life hurts. living hurts. contrary to what i said before? oh that is because i am hurt quite a bit. in life, in general.

Being rejected, is what i am. So, another one just adds to the list, not of any great hurt. I have planned my life such that one day, nothing will hurt and I will be supreme. I will become immune.

Until then, it is breathing. sighing. living.