Things I have learnt about life: Lesson 3

Self destruction. I wanted to write a whole sentence about self-destruction but then, it made more sense to let the word alone because you see, self destruction is a lonely concept. If you are someone, who likes or practices or just by habit are used to self destructing you will find yourself alone for good reasons. So, self destruction is something we all practice when we get angry, jealous, and sometimes even when we are sad. Negative emotions urges us to do stupid things, from some people becoming addicted to alcohol, smoking or drugs (which are forms of self destruction), some people just push others away (yes, that’s a way of self destruction). We all have done this at some point in our lives, though most of us recover from the self destructive phase and move on with life. Some of the beings who get into cycles of self destruction, need saviors to save them from themselves.

So after writing about exactly how this particular trait in all of us beings work, why is it a life lesson? The lesson here is, no good will come out of it. People might sympathize with you for a while, you might enjoy the pity, now and then you might also find someone willing to save you for a while but you know it you will go back into the cycle again. In all AA groups and also any sort of therapy sessions the first step is to admit you have a problem. If you know you like to be miserable, or that you are miserable most of the time, then you probably are self destructive and you need help. If you need help, go and get it. Really, it is essential you admit that some part of your life is self destructive or all of it is. It is essential that you find a way of living which satisfies your dreams, find you hope and not leave you alone at the end of it all.

I like to self destruct, so yes when I talk I talk from experience. I need someone or the other to help me live a better life except that I love living in the mess. Also, the saviors are the people I need to save myself from, they are the cause of my self destructive life. It’s like everyone who shows me even a little love, I obsess about them and then become all self destructive. I like to think I can love people more than others can, which believe me is BULLSHIT (forgive me for the language), but the fact being that  I can’t love anyone because I need someone to love. You need to want it. All of us, should want someone to love, not to need someone to love. Needing is like for air and water, not for people, especially if you have a family and friends, you only need someone if its like you just like to obsess. So yes, I have an annoying habit of self destructing.

I have learnt to try controlling the urges which lead to such behavior, I try to stay away from people, I try to push them away from the beginning, because I know one day I will push them away to see if they come back but better way is to not be too close to them to begin with. Its the same as living life in reverse except that its completely different. 😛 I live like a person with OCD, I might have one as well, except my OCD is other human beings which is difficult to control as there are 7 billion-1 of them on the planet Earth. So yeah, try not be self destructive, in case you are, go see a psychologist. It is mostly a phase, it will pass!

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